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Game of Thrones Rap Battle

Episk Game of Thrones Rap Battle

Med över 10 månader lång och grym väntan innan Game of Thrones fjärde säsong drar igång så har gänget bakom Stage 5 TV skapat en episk Rap Battle med de flesta favoritkaraktärerna i serien.

“Game of Thrones” Ultimate Birthday Rap Battle (Featuring Taryn Southern)


BAELISH: Welcome to King’s Landing, a city of kings and whores where anything can happen.
PYCELLE: Yes, quite right.
VARYS: Do be careful, ‘cause shit’s about to get real.
ROBERT BARATHEON: Ho…. Well, I’m the fuckin’ King Robert Baratheon, wrathful and nasty, when I drop the fuckin’ hammer, invade like a pathogen, now gimme three whores, so I can smack that ass again, and build a bigger orphanage to put all my bastards in. My wife’s a brother-fucker and a straight-up bitch who gave me three blonde shits, but her daddy is rich Wine! All this arse-lickin’’s makin’ me sick I thank the gods that a boar put a tusk through my pancreas.
CERSEI: I gestated my bro’s DNA…
TYRION: Not mine.
CERSEI: …thought my inbred kids were okay…
NED: Seriously?
CERSEI: …but I’m afraid that…
TYRION & NED: Joffrey is a half-wit, demented, sadistic piece of shit.
JOFFREY: You better say that I’m the king or I’ll chop off your head I’ll put your genitals in the genital jar I keep in a drawer beside my bed-
SANSA: Your grace.
JOFFREY: Yes, give her a gift, hit her in the face.
SANSA: Why?!
JOFFREY: Women are so weak and weary bring her back when she has her period. Burn the traitors, crush the North, kill the babies, fuck the poor, I’m so bored with cutting out tongues, but I’m gettin’ it done, mutilating whores
MARGAERY: Is this yours?
JOFFREY: Yes, it is.
MARGAERY: Talk about killing. I love that shit. Stabbing, hacking, blood and guts….
JOFFREY: Hold on–I’m about to jizz.
VARYS: Sadly, I cannot.
PYCELLE: No jizz, quite right.
BAELISH: A sorcerer cut off your junk, we know. At least it wasn’t your head.
VARYS: Poor Ned Stark. What will the North do?
PYCELLE: My jizz is like baking soda.
VARYS: The Stark bannermen?
BANNERMEN: Oh… yeah!
ROBB: Oh hell yeah!
BAELISH: Why are they so fucking happy?
BANNERMEN: Whut whut??? Ho!!! North side! All hail King in the North, Robb Stark. Ho…..
ROBB: Yeah, yeah… we fight for independence, it’s a glorious day ‘cause I married for love, and it’s cool with the Freys Yeah, we’re heading to a wedding, gonna party today and I’m gonna be a dad?! God, everything’s great!
CATELYN: Winter is coming.
ROBB: So we’ll hang out inside!
CATELYN: But Winterfell burned down, Robb…
ROBB: Look on the bright side. Lemme hear my Starks: are we doin’ alright?
BRAN: Father’s dead, we’re homeless, and I’m crippled for life.
RICKON: I’m hungry.
ARYA: I’m alone in the middle of a war.
ROBB: Yeah!
SANSA: I love the gay boy, but I married the dwarf.
ROBB: See that’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout, we’re havin’ a ball
LYSA: I’m gonna breastfeed Robin ‘til my breasts fall off.
NORTHWOMEN: We are the North!
ROBB: Brienne, how’s it going with the Kingslayer?
BRIENNE: Rapists have me and I’m fighting a bear!
NORTHWOMEN: We are the North!
ROBB: Cool! How’s it hangin’, Theon?
THEON: Really bad!
ARYA: I met a lady who had demons in her vag!
NORTHWOMEN: We are the North!
EVERYBODY: We are the North Side, ey! Doin’ it our own way!
NORTHWOMEN: We are the North!
ROBB: Hey, it’s my boy, Jon Snow! What up Jon?
SAMWELL: Um, hullo. We’ve got a bit of a problem at the Wall.It’s… it’s a bit nippy… and…
JON SNOW: There’s fuckin’ Whitewalkers! Shit’s crazy, I’m freezin’ to death with thieves and rapers, had to swear off sex. If I could take it back, I’d take the black shove it up Craster’s ass, but it’s too late for that, with zombies surgin’ south.
JON SNOW: I’m gonna die a virgin now, but wo-day, they was a wild woman took me into a cave, got undressed…
SAMWELL TARLY: You saw breasts?
JON SNOW: Yeah, and we had…. CAVE SEX!!!!
SAMWELL TARLY: You knew where to put it!
SAMWELL TARLY: I forgot to send the ravens….
JON SNOW: I’m havin’ CAVE SEX!!!!
VARYS: Seven hells….
ROBB: Who is that?
ROBERT BARATHEON: It’s the Targaryen girl….
JOFFREY: Sound the alarms!
ROBERT BARATHEON: She’s come to take back the Seven Kingdoms.
ROBB: Well, it’s more like six kingdoms now…
JOFFREY: Hide me with the children!
ROBB: …y’know since we seceded.
JOFFREY: I’m pooping!
ROBB: She should take the other six. Why not?
ROBERT BARATHEON: Shut up Joffrey, you weird little shit!
DAENERYS: I got dragons, bitch. I started out with nothin’ but a shitty older brother in a Pentos penthouse, I got pimped out to a Dothraki warlord with a horde full of slave-takin’ thugs, fuckin’ like dogs in public. Queen of the savages, got three dragon eggs ate a horse heart, took it down, didn’t throw up got knocked up, but I mistakenly traded in the fate of the baby, and put my hubby in a coma. Smothered his ass, and built a funeral pyre, took the blood magic witch, burned the bitch alive, climbed in- side and fried eggs awhile–from the ash came my naked ass and three reptiles. Touchin’ my kids? Betta ask me. I’m the “Motha of Dragons,” Pyat Pree– yeah, that freak. Y’betta come at me with more than a manticore f’you wanna blast me.
JORAH: Khaleesi….
DAENERYS: You got a dirty mouth yeah, you best sit down before I go to town with some Valyrian, you ‘bout to fear me when I turn and burn this mothafucka to the ground. I’m Stormborn, comin’ out the flames kill the masters, free the slaves From Qarth to Braavos, and Slaver’s Bay every bitch crackin’ whips gonna know my name:
JORAH: Khaleesi….
DAENERYS: Send a raven to Westeros ‘cause I’m puttin’ three dragons in a big-ass boat. You betta tell the usurpers that I’m comin’ home to take back the realm and the Iron Throne…
…like a hound takes a bitch.
Happy birthday

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